What cigarettes are to me

Cigarettes are to me, what...

• engagement rings are to Jennifer Lopez
• kibbles are to bits
• dangerous is to Mike Tyson
• Siegfried is to Roy
• spaces in heaven are to Jehovah's Witnesses
• gas is to the internal combustion engine
• snotty remarks are to the French
• porn is to the Internet
• body modification is to Dennis Rodman
• bored, undiscerning television viewers are to Survivor.