Distract yourself

NB: It's my nature to take what I consider healthy, good-hearted pokes at just about everything. But if I provide a link to an Internet resource, I do it in the sincere hope that it may offer someone out there a better chance at kicking the habit.

I've been searching the Web for resources to help me in my battle. The resources seem endless, as in an endless supply of so much nonsense. But then again I'm angry. Or in denial. Or at some other emotional stage typically summed up by psychobabble terminology. And though I'm not certain anything I find on the net will help me, I suppose it's my duty to offer links to some of these resources in the case that any ex-smoker-wannabes in need of help stumble on to my blog. Duty. Honour. Withdrawal.

So here's one:

The Smoking Cessation section at About.com has loads of articles, plus forums where you can share the agonizing pain of your transformation into a better, non-smoking person. You will find ads, called "offers" here, but they're in their own clickable section, not popping up in your face every five seconds. So if you're looking for an herbal solution that stops smoking cravings, as well as weight gain, anxiety and world hunger, you can find it.

Of particular interest to me was the list of 101 Things to Do Instead of Smoking. Go ahead and take a look, print it out and follow along if you like.

* Me waiting, whistling Don't Worry - Be Happy (55).

Done? Good.

After a very quick read-through, I counted at least 47 suggested activities during which I could smoke. It could have been more but for the sake of argument, I didn't count washing the dog (3), playing with Silly Putty (54) or riding rollercoasters (93).

If you're worried about your weight, teeth or eating habits, beware of sucking on tart candy (30), eating popsicles (32), creating a chocolate closet (48), hanging on to caramel apple suckers (49) and eating hot fudge sundaes (82).

Also, this was obviously written with a woman in mind, so I'll desist from taking too many potshots at turning your bathroom into a spa (12), getting a free makeup session (13), doing your nails (66) or giving yourself a manicure/pedicure (14) -- yes, I have heard the term metrosexual, but be serious.

I do have some thoughts about a few particular suggestions though:

34. Make-out with your special someone! Hubby hated kissing me when I smoked, but now he LOVES it...
My wife (Donna you may recall) is also a smoker. She is making no attempt to quit and in fact, knows nothing about my current efforts. Is it possible that I will no longer wish to kiss her once I've quit? Even worse, is there a chance that my new and improved, ashless-tasting mouth will become anathema to her?

37. Spend time with a kid.
I don't have a kid. I don't know any kids. For a variety of reasons, I have no desire to go to prison.

41. Walk in an old graveyard with the man you love.
If smoking is what Freud would call an oral fixation, what the hell does taking your most-loved to a graveyard mean? I shudder to think.

78. Go to church/talk to God.
Beyond the obvious problem this may cause depending on your belief system or lack therof, what should you talk to God about? Personally, I think I might ask something like: "Was creating something as wonderful as the tobacco plant, only to make it a source of addiction, prejudice and disease, part of the 'master plan?'"

This list has inspired me to begin my own list of distracting things to do instead of smoking. You can read the first installment at Instead of smoking, why not...